In all my work with breakups and divorce money comes up almost every single time. The majority of my clients express the desire to be financially independent as they embark on creating this new life on their own.
I’m a full time breakup coach where I work 40 hours a week in my coaching practice but up until last week I had another job that I’d use that income to pay for my living expenses so that I could reinvest all of my money back into my company. Last Friday, that job let me go.
The thing is, I want to help all women see they can live on purpose, they can have the most amazing life, literally everything they wanted with or without their past relationship. And to begin that journey we need to start living life on purpose.
7 questions you should ask yourself after a breakup to move forward with grace. Don’t let this breakup be something that breaks you but something that propels you forward into the next chapter of your life.
So grab your journal, a pen/pencil, get cozy and open up your heart, let it fall out onto the paper.
My first gut reaction is to tell people to take off work if they need to when going through a breakup but in all honesty the more I’ve thought about it and the more I’ve worked with my clients I more often than not urge my clients to go into the office.
As I’m sure you’ve heard me say before, going through a breakup is like grieving someone who is still alive, and in some ways that’s more difficult than grieving someone who has died.
Sometimes after a breakup all we can do is think of all the good memories of our past relationship. Many of the things that once bothered us have vanished from our minds as if they never happened or maybe the morphed into “it wasn’t that bad” thoughts.
The truth is, our brain is a part of our human body. Just like our heart and our liver it has a job. It’s job is to think and solve problems. That’s just what it does.
One of my clients asked me what books I recommend for breakups. Funny thing is, I only listened to one book on repeat after my breakup, which is the first one on my list. Literally I listened to it 32 times all the way through. I met Jen Sincero in Chicago a year later, cried, hugged her to death and thanked her for saving my life. It was that good… life changing to me. I also listened to a lot of podcasts so I’ll share those separately.
Below is a list of books that I have read/listened to on audible. I love these books and share them with my clients when it makes sense. Some of these are very well known books while others you may have never even heard of before.
One of the most common issues my clients come to with is …
“I just want to feel better”
I get it, I’ve been there, you wake up and you wish it was just a bad dream. A heavy blanket falls over your body and instantly you’re like, “why do I have to start my day like this, can’t I just wake up and this not be true?”.
Trust me, I’ve been there, I’ve done that, multiple times.
My last breakup I for sure blamed the f*ck out of my ex. I hated on him so hard and made it all about how and what he did or didn’t do. I 100% blamed our breakup on him. He was the one who broke up with me.
So often my clients come to me and say they just want to stop thinking about their ex. They just want to feel better and stop obsessing over what it is their ex is doing or not doing. Over time, they get to a point where they want to forgive them. They ask me when is the right time for me to forgive and let go? How will I ever be able to forgive them?
The answer my friend.
Forgiveness is defined as “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” - From the Googles
Breakups are gut wrenching. Not only do you feel a slew of negative emotions but you also feel physical pain sometimes. Most of my clients just want to “feel better”. They want to stop crying, being sad, upset, all of the emotions. They just want to feel the slightest bit better.
Nothing is worse than running into your ex unexpectedly not knowing what to do then accidentally being all awkward and weird. Maybe you hide? Maybe you act over the top trying to impress him? Maybe you make up a bunch of shit to make it sound like things are great? Typically, it doesn’t go exactly as you’d hope.
Ladies! I hear you, I totally get it. It’s hard. I know.
But listen, the social media game has brought a whole new situation and environment that changes SO much when you’re going through a breakup. Can you even imagine what it was like for our parents when they went through a breakup? No cell phones, no constant communication. Maybe they got letters? Like in the Notebook? But they literally had no idea what their ex was doing, where they were, if they had a new relationship status. How amazing?!
The thing is, we can do that now too. I’m not saying it’s easy, but seriously, do you feel better after you do it?
Alright ladies, most of the time at work, if someone dies, everyone is like omg I’m so sorry. Do you need to take some time off? All of the things. But when you’re grieving someone who is still alive, because of a breakup, coworkers may or may not get it.
Maybe you took some time off work, maybe you didn’t either way, here are some tips I HIGHLY suggest to show up and be your bomb badass self at work.
Practicing self love is always talked about. There is a million and one ways to practice self love on a recurring basis but what’s different about self love when you’re going through a breakup is that there is so many overwhelming negative emotions going on.
Learning to be alone after a breakup can be difficult. The majority of my most difficult breakup I stayed SO busy so that I didn’t even have to deal with loneliness. I would wake up at 4:30am, head to the gym, then work, then after work activities, and I’d get home with enough time to unpack, pack lunch for the next day, have dinner, shower, and back to bed. I was with people the majority of the day and if I wasn’t, I was sleeping. And for the weekends? I legit traveled every. Single. Weekend. So that I was never alone. I had stuff planned at all times. I was avoiding negative emotion.
So, you and your boyfriend broke up. A couple weeks later, you’re still working through all the mental chaos going on in your brain, still constantly thinking about him and what could have been, then all of a sudden while secretly still stalking him on social media you see,
He has a new girlfriend.
Your throat drops into your stomach, your face gets hot, you very literally feel like you might vomit and cry all at the same time.
In my world, quotes, phrases, stories all come down to one thing, your thoughts. They are all derived from your thinking, your beliefs about the world and what is reality to you. Our thoughts control everything. They create your feelings. Your feelings create the action and behaviors you practice and then those actions and behaviors lead to the results in your life.
I’m going to start off by saying, as I was becoming a breakup coach I didn’t know that’s what I was becoming. Just as I’m living out my life today doing what feels right to me and that is forming me to be something in the future that I may not even know is a thing.
Almost three years ago now, my boyfriend of 6 ½ years broke up with me over a phone call while I was at a work thing in Chicago for a week. I extended my stay in Chicago for a month so that I could go get my things from our home on a weekend I knew he wouldn’t be around. When I went back to my house, all of my things were already piled in the entryway. My heart sunk, my neighbor came over and told me there was another girl at our home every night since I left.
A broken heart is devastating. The break is never even and there is always one person who put in a little bit more (or a lot more) effort and came out with a negative return on investment, either way both parties normally hurt and it can be difficult to get through.