So often my clients come to me and say they just want to stop thinking about their ex. They just want to feel better and stop obsessing over what it is their ex is doing or not doing. Over time, they get to a point where they want to forgive them. They ask me when is the right time for me to forgive and let go? How will I ever be able to forgive them?
The answer my friend.
Forgiveness is defined as “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” - From the Googles
Meaning, to forgive someone is to stop feeling anger or resentment towards them. Anger and resentment are feelings, and do you know who generates feelings? YOU.
Often times we think forgiving someone has to do with even a playing field.
“He cheated on me so therefore if I forgive him, I’m letting it go and saying that what he did wasn’t wrong”
We think that forgiving someone includes a conversation with someone else, or someone says sorry and we ok that sorry.
But my friend, according to the definition of “forgive”, it’s simply to,
STOP FEELING ANGER OR RESENTFUL TOWARD SOMEONE.
So, truly to forgive someone, is to just stop feeling anger or resentful towards them.
This is huge, because, to forgive someone we don’t have to have a conversation with them. We don’t have to say sorry, they don’t have to say sorry, we don’t have to agree with what happened but we can simply let it go and stop feeling anger or resentful.
When you decide not to forgive someone, it’s important to note that, it’s not hurting them, it’s only hurting you.
You’re deciding to feel anger and resentful towards them. They don’t feel that. Why? Because their thoughts create their feelings. Just as your thoughts create your feelings.
YOU CREATE THE WAY YOU FEEL.
You feel anger and resentment because you’re thinking thoughts that generate those feelings. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make someone else feel a certain way and there is nothing anyone else can do or say to make you feel a certain way. We are all responsible for our own feelings.
You’re deciding to feel anger and resentful towards them, aka not forgiving them. You’re only hurting you, not them.
So, it’s up to you when you should forgive someone, it’s whenever you want to stop feeling anger and resentment towards that person.
Let’s talk through an example.
Say your boyfriend cheats on you. You don’t feel angry, mad, upset or betrayed because he cheated on you. You feel those feelings because of your THOUGHTs about what happened. So you remaining angry and resentful doesn’t hurt your boyfriend/maybe now your ex because he’s having his own thoughts about the situation that are generating his own emotions.
So you’re only hurting you.
If you chose to forgive (aka stop feeling anger and resentful) you aren’t saying what he did was “ok” you’re just deciding to stop feeling anger and resentful.
You’re deciding you want to generate a different emotion.
A more productive emotion that will serve you in your life to produce results you want. Maybe you generate compassion, and work on the relationship, or not work on the relationship and work on yourself. Maybe you generate empowerment, love, inspiration, confidence… the choice is yours.
Baby girl, I’ve been there. But not matter what your ex has done, you get to decide how you want to interpret it.
You have the power to forgive because you have the power to generate any emotion in the world.
Want to work on this one on one? Sign up for a free breakthrough session here, where we will work together on letting go and forgiving your ex.
Sending so much love my friend!