Trust After Betrayal

Trust After Betrayal

Trust has more to do with yourself than it does with other people. We think that trust has to do with whether or not someone else is trustworthy. But if we have a full sense of trust in ourselves, we would trust ourselves to not surround ourselves with people we can’t trust. 


So the first thing I tackle with my clients is building trust with their relationship with themselves before we talk about trust in others. 


We will talk about both today but just know that you must trust yourself before you can trust someone else, very similar to self love. 


Now here are two models we are going to talk about when it comes to trusting and doubting yourself vs someone else. 


When you decide to trust yourself and others you show up very differently then when you choose to doubt (see the action line).


Trust vs Doubt w/ Yourself:

(if you’re not familiar with the model, check it out here.)

C - life event

T - I’ve got my back

F - Trust

A - show up for myself, focus on having my own back, forward progress, create the result I want

R - I’ve got my own back


C - life event

T - I don’t think I can do this

F - Doubt

A - question self, ruminate, obsess, worry, ask for advice, search for answer or validation outside of self

R - I don’t do it


Trust vs Doubt w/ Others:

C - life event

T - I have a trusting partnership OR I trust my partner

F - Trust

A - show up for self and relationship, focus on the relationship, forward progress in relationship, create the result I want

R - I have a trusting partnership OR I trust myself and my partner


C - life event

T - I don’t trust him/her

F - Doubt

A - question them, ruminate, stalk, check phone, ask advice, search outside of the relationship for advice or validation

R - I don’t trust myself


When I ask people why they don’t trust someone or something it’s because of things that have happened in the past. They were cheated on by someone else, or maybe they were cheated on by their current partner, therefor that means they shouldn’t trust them. 


But by not trusting, you’re the only one being affected, not them. 


Imagine being in a relationship with someone who questions you all of the time, and doubts you even when you’ve done nothing wrong. OR if you’ve done something wrong in the past and you are doubting them based off of past behavior not even giving them the space to change, grow or develop? What would that be like? Is that an environment you’d want to be in with yourself OR with others? 


Probably not. 


So take some time to question your beliefs around trust.


  • Why don’t you trust “name”?

  • Is it in the past? If so, is it neutral? Why or why not?

  • Do you trust yourself? Why or why not?

  • Do you think your past dictates/defines your future?

  • Are all people the same?

  • Do people change?

  • How do you want to show up? Do you want to trust yourself?

  • What’s in it for you if you do trust? What’s in it for you if you don’t trust?

  • Who do you trust and why? Why can’t that belief translate to others?

  • Do you feel good or bad when you trust others?


At the end of the day …


“I don’t have to understand or figure it out, I just have to trust in the universe/God/Higher power/Self.”


“I get to trust because it feels good.”


“When I trust it all, I get to show up like the human I want to be.”


So why not trust? The option is yours.


Having a problem with trust? Schedule your free consult where we can talk about your specific situation and what’s holding you back.

Sending so much love,

Dorothy