How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex

How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex

I remember one of the biggest issues I had during my breakup was constantly thinking about my ex. 


I HATED it.


I was so annoyed by it.


I just wanted someone to erase him out of my mind. 


My clients come to me saying…


“I still think of him”.


“I just want to stop constantly thinking about him and obsessing about what he’s doing or what he’s up to.”


“All I can think about is him.”


There is so much resistance. There is so much avoidance. 


We want to distract ourselves over and over and over so that we don’t think about them. 


The reason we don’t want to think about them is because when we think about them, we FEEL shitty. So we think that if we can stop thinking and focusing our time and energy on them we won’t feel bad AND we will focus on ourselves and move forward. 


So we think if we distract ourselves, even on productive things like working out, traveling, and hanging out with friends, we will 1) not feel bad 2) move forward.


The problem is…


Distraction isn’t working. And what about the times where you very literally can’t distract yourself? This is only a temporary satisfaction. You can only distract yourself for so long and when you just go through life trying to “find” ways to fill your time instead of filling your time ON PURPOSE to get you what you want in life, you’ll never move forward from your past. You must learn how to process negative emotions, to process through discomfort. When you learn that, there is no need to find distractions.


Now, we can control our mind and our emotions but our brain is so fire. It’s so good at it’s job and does things automatically and we have to figure out how to slow it down and rewire our neural pathways. So, the first step you have to take is be ok with thinking about your ex, stop resisting it so much. 


Steps to Stop Thinking About Your Ex:

  1. Be ok with thinking about your ex, know it’s going to happen and don’t beat yourself up when it does

  2. Process the negative emotion

  3. Allow the negative emotion without avoiding, resisting or reacting to it

  4. Rewrite your breakup story (we will dive into this further next week)