After a breakup I’ve personally seen two different routes women take.
Life After Breakups
I’d like to mention in both scenarios I think we always truly see it coming, we may deny that we saw it coming subconsciously but when we look at it retroactively and are honest with ourselves, it’s like, ok… I guess maybe I saw that coming.
It’s the end of the world, we say fuck it (to literally everything), we try to move forward by drinking, hanging out with friends, bad mouthing our ex, and most likely searching for someone else to make us feel better whether that’s another guy, friends/family, or social media approval.
It’s the beginning of a new world, one we’ve never had the opportunity to meet yet. It’s the black hole staring you straight in the face and instead of falling through it you say, “I’m going to use this to my benefit and just go balls to the wall with my life and kill it.”
Most of the time these two journeys criss cross back and forth between the two. One day is good, one day is bad. It’s a part of the human experience right, 50% negative 50% positive.
The thing is, I want to help all women see they can live on purpose, they can have the most amazing life, literally everything they wanted with or without that relationship. And to begin that journey we need to start living journey number two as often as possible on purpose.
So, how do we do this, start processing the pain. The pain is frequent, it hurts, it’s sad, it’s anger and frustration. It’s the “he should have” and the “how could he” that drive all that pain and provide evidence for your brain to fuel that fire that burns within you and keeps that pain at the forefront for you.
Now I can tell you from experience, that fire will be helpful, for awhile. But as all fires do, they melt the objects around it and they teater out. So just as a house fire will, the fire within you will damage everything in its path and then burn out leaving you with nothing but a burnt up house and the remaining pain.
So let’s catch this now and start to process pain in the most healthy way possible to foster growth and real healing to get you want you want in life instead of destroying all that you have right now.
How Do I Process Pain?
When you start to feel the sadness, frustration, anger, jealousy, whatever emotion that is so painful for you, choose to feel it. Really feel it. So often we reluctant to feel the feeling on purpose because it will be painful. But when you really feel the emotion, it’s physically only slightly uncomfortable. When you recognize how it feels in your body, you’ll realize that it’s truly manageable and it won’t cause you long term harm. Just take a moment to yourself to say, “I am processing pain”. Don’t try to fix it, just allow yourself to recognize “you’re processing pain”.
This pain is a part of your journey.
Then begin notice your desire to react, resist or avoid your pain. Just acknowledge it and don’t give into it but write down what that urge is and tell yourself, “That won’t help” “It’s not worth it.”
Allow the painful vibration to be there as you wash dishes, drive your car, or talk on the phone. Notice it’s heaviness, it’s hum, it’s ability to rob you of breath. Notice.
As you begin to do this you’ll notice your thoughts about the situation appear more clearly.
Your thoughts will begin to appear in your mind. WRITE THEM DOWN as they appear. Some thoughts seem innocent but may be very painful. Thoughts like “I deserve better” might seem empowering but check the emotion they create; often, it may be one of resistance and pain. That is why it’s important to write them down and try them on one at a time.
Most likely this will be incredible overwhelming, it may take your breath away and bury your heart in heavy vibrations. Allow yourself to be overwhelmed and yet still functioning.
Just allow, allow it all to be there, no need to change it, just process the pain my baby girl. I promise by taking the time and the mental energy to just sit and process this will make a world of difference moving forward.
You are responsible for the pain you’ve created and you can learn so much if you stop resisting it. Invite yourself to let the thought go and give yourself time to respond, release it.
The Second Journey
The more you do this the more you’ll be taking the second route, the second journey, the journey to revamp your life and look at this as a blessing. Everything is happening for you my friend and this is just the start! So many wonderful, beautiful, and magical experience, people, and opportunities are on their way to you.
Process the pain knowing that and knowing that this was meant for you and you are so so strong my dear one. You will be ok. You will be more than ok, you will be magnificent.
If you want a worksheet to help you walk through processing the pain, check out the processing pain worksheet on the free resources page and of course, feel free to sign up for a free breakthrough session.
With love and positive vibes,